How To Run For President – A Republican’s Guide To The White House

It’s that time again when politicians start telling you what you want to hear, and start blaming the other guy for everything that’s wrong in America. There are topics that come up every election cycle that no one does anything about while in office because it is too politically risky, but now seem as the most important thing to discuss. The truth is that if the politician is fortunate enough to get elected he can’t and won’t do anything about those issues.

On the republican side of the isle that means that you’ll be hearing about gun rights, pro-life issues, and cutting to taxes for everyone. It’s unlikely that any actual laws will change that much, if at all when they get elected, but there will be plenty of tough talk on the campaign trail.

Even for long standing laws that have not changed much since their passing, the rhetoric must be adjusted so that the candidate can say such things as “on day one of my administration I will repeal gun control laws, overturn Roe v. Wade, and lower taxes for everyone.

The republican narrative is based on simple messages that speak to the uneducated masses, or wealthy individuals that stand to gain from having the masses adopt policies that are against their own best interests.

Things like tax cuts for everyone energizes those that think they know what to do with their money better than the government. Statements like that can be quite polarizing and energize the base.

Nobody likes paying taxes, but the real question is, do tax cuts actually stimulate the economy? Imperial evidence would tend to suggest that there is no correlation between low taxes leading to economic growth. On the other hand, tax revenue is used to pay for public goods like roads, airports, the sewer system, and sidewalks.

The last thing people want to do is pay more taxes. At the same time everyone wants public services to work. Things like the roads you use to get to work and for the food you buy to get to your neighborhood grocery store, and for your mail to be delivered to your house.

You may argue that you believe in personal responsibility, but how far can you take that argument? Will you grow your own food, have a personal oil well in your back yard where you convert the output to petroleum, and a septic tank and landfill where you deposit your waste, and self-educate yourself. Even if you did have all of those things you would still require things like a system to enforce the rule of law so someone doesn’t show up in your kingdom and steal your water, oil, or food.

Perhaps that scenario is a bit extreme and if you’re not going to go that far then you should be aware that you consume public goods that are funded by tax revenues that you didn’t entirely pay for yourself. It’s impossible to go at it alone. You benefit in some way from the tax revenue paid by the collective population. Period.

Nevertheless, if you’re running for president you must state that you will lower everyone’s taxes, and if you’re republican you should also state that you will lower corporate taxes and cut benefits that help those who are less fortunate in society. You must stand firm with the military and ensure that we increase funding for pentagon in every budget and talk tough to countries that tick everyone off.

If all of that doesn’t pay off in the polls, it’s time to not just blame your opponent, but to also blame the liberal media. The reason for lagging poll numbers is never your fault, it’s the fault of the crazy liberal media.

There are outrageous convention speeches to empty chairs, and speeches that require so many fact checkers that it could lower the unemployment rate, but if your marathon time just doesn’t add up, it could be a sign that your team is losing the race. In that case, maybe a little less pandering to the wackos of your party might actually get you a bit further in your quest to claim victory.

To see how not to run a campaign, give Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan a call and visit our T-Shirt shop.